You hear it all the time.
"Just live in the moment."
For me this is near impossible. Before my diagnosis, it was absolutely impossible. Simply out of the question. I never had to force myself to live in the moment, although it would've made my life a lot easier. I'm such a planner it hurts. And the stuff I like to plan and obsess over the most? Well obviously it is the stuff that I can't control.
So picture having this personality trait and then being diagnosed with cancer. I definitely had to adjust.
In this past month alone, I had so many things planned. My planner was filled to the brim with events and things that I planned to do. For planners like me, there is no backing out. Once it's in the planner, it's happening and that is that. Each of these things were in my plan, only for the day to come when I can't get out of bed.
The amount of things I have cancelled, the amount of classes I have missed and people I have backed out on is absolutely killing me. Almost every single thing I planned has gone out the window.
This is when I realized I need to change. I can't keep living my life in disappointment with myself. I realized that I need to adjust my life to accommodate my new normal.
This is when I started to experience the true meaning of living one day at a time. If I wake up and feel great, like I did today, I get stuff done. Today I took my license picture at the Secretary of State for my ID renewal (21 woo!) because who knows when I'll feel like getting ready again. When people text me and ask if I can meet up for school projects, I tell them I'll let them know when I can.
I encourage you, especially if you are an obsessive planner like me, to live in the moment.
One day at a time. It's surprisingly refreshing. :)