Well, there you have it. That about sums up the 5 days I get to spend per cycle for chemotherapy in the hospital.
Stay with me here. I promise it gets positive.
People always tell me, "Come on Emily! You got this! 6 rounds is nothing." Okay.. but there's six rounds of five days each, and five days is basically a week, and there isn't much time in between to break up these treatments.
But the worst part of it is the ~monotony~ of it all. The whole time, I'm hooked up to a PICC line, which is sort of like an IV, and I have to lug wheely thing with the bag attached around anywhere I go. I have to unplug it from the wall, wrap up the chord, and take it everywhere. I've got to take it to the shower, if I need to pee, if I want to go on a walk. It comes everywhere. It's like a shackle restricting my freedom and I can't stand it.
Also, just the freaking routines of everything is exhausting. I often get chuckles from the nurses as they see me walk down the halls as I condescendingly say, "Just the same shit, different day." I think they feel it too.
Any way, here's the routine.
1. 2:00 a.m. My mom wakes up and stares at me until I wake up (ugh)
2. 4:00 a.m. Daily Blood Draw and Vitals. Yeah you heard it. A.M.!
3. 8:00 a.m. Vitas.
4. 9:00 a.m. Morning meds. Usually about 10 pills.
5. 11:00 a.m. Chemo bag change.
6. 12:00 p.m. Vitals.
7. 2:00 p.m. Shower.
8. 4:00 p.m. Vitals.
9. ~ 5:00 p.m. Mom forces me to get up and take a walk down the same 400 feet of hallway that I am limited to.
10. 8:00 p.m. Vitals.
11: 8:30 p.m. Mom passes out.
12. 9:00 p.m. Night time meds, again.
13. 12 a.m. Vitals
Meanwhile, in between these times of roaring excitement, I keep myself busy with coloring books, crosswords, and the same 40 channels (20 of which are sports or news), and the same 20 some movies they have to offer. If we are feeling really crazy, we'll go down and do a puzzle. So essentially I pass my days with the activities of a 5-year-old.
The monotony was really starting to get at my this past time. Maybe it was because the first time was so new. Things didn't seem so bad. But now, I was able to completely wrap my head around what it would be like to do this four more times, and it sounds absolutely torturous. Maybe it would be better if I didn't have to deal with the awful side effects in the 16 day recovery period, or if my recovery was a little bit longer. But this seems like an on going roller coaster that increasingly makes me nauseous, and I can't get off.
Luckily, someone came in to give me some tips about how to make these trips more doable. I'm really hoping these work, I'm desperate!
First of all, she suggested I take something to look forward to that I save for only when I'm in the hospital. I absolutely love art, so this could mean bringing some canvases and paints, some jewelry stamping or beads. It could be anything! This already started to get me excited.
She also suggested that I could have a special thing I do every time I leave. Maybe it's going to my favorite restaurant or getting my nails done. This thing to look forward to really could make a difference.
Well, I'm definitely willing to try it out. I'll let you know how it goes next cycle of treatment.
If there's something in your life you just can't stand, treat yo' self. Sometimes we can't escape the shit we don't want to do, but we can make it a little less hard.
In the meantime, I'M 21 IN TWO DAYS!!!