I have not known fear until I was told I was neutropenic.
Neutropenia is a common part of the chemotherapy process. After you receive treatment, your white blood cell levels rise extremely high, and then they drop to almost nothing. This is apparently the goal. When your white blood cells are wiped out, your bone marrow creates new blood cells, and hopefully this time they are healthier.
The normal white blood cell count ranges from 5-10. Right now, my white blood cell count is 0.2. Less than one! I literally do not have an immune system to fend of any disease. The doctors said something as simple as going to the grocery store could be fatal. (Wow that sounds dramatic).
This is extremely scary for me. When I walk around I have this crazy feeling of vulnerability. Like any little simple germ could get into my body and send me back to the ER (for the third time this week).
Since I can't be in public places, I can't go to class. But I discovered this awesome thing called "Zoom MSU" which is apparently free to all MSU students. My friends in my classes have been able to video conference me so I can still attend class from home! (Shout out to Sasha, Brittany and Elizabeth, you guys rock!)